Dear... My Heartbreaker
To say that I regret us would be a lie. I do not regret my time with you. However, I do regret the way that you handled the situation. It was like being in a moving car, going at 100km per hour. Then the car stopped, and you pushed me out of the passenger seat and let a new one in. You drove off and the world went quiet.
Never had I been so confused as I was then. Why did you stop the car? Why was someone else so quick to sit in my seat? Was I a bad passenger? Or were you a bad driver?
No, I don't think that's true. You were a good driver, I trusted you. I don't believe my trust wasn't deserved, we were just different people. Opposites attract is sort of bullshit if you ask me. Everything about us was opposite; our goals, our beliefs, our mannerisms.
But I think that's what I liked about you. I liked your laugh and the crooked smile that came with it. I liked how soft your hair was and the way it felt in my hands. I liked your piercing green eyes and I loved the way they looked at me. They stared at me like no other had before, as if I was the most beautiful person in the world.
But clearly that isn't true, because if it was, we wouldn't be in this situation. Well, you aren't really in a situation- I am. And I'm the one that needs to get myself out of it. But one of the hardest things I will ever have to do is grieve the loss of somebody who is still alive. You left by choice, not by chance.
He will feel this grief one day, and hopefully he realises the pain he put me through. The feeling of suffocation. I couldn't breathe, not for a long time. And when oxygen found its way to me I was angry. I was angry at her first: why would another girl do this to me? But then I realised that he is the one to blame. His careless actions are the reason I'm writing this letter.
But in a way I am grateful, grateful that two people who are meant to be ended up together. They are each other's soulmates. I just wish that one day someone will love me as much as he loves her.
So to reiterate, I'm not angry anymore. Because how can someone be angry at a guy so sweet? Your behaviour was different. So different. Before, you were this guy who had it all, a guy with a shell too tough to crack. During, I looked at you differently. You were soft, and kind, and caring. You were my best friend. But now when my eyes meet yours I run back to that place of suffocation. And whether I like it or not, I miss you. I miss every hair on your stupid head.
I think I loved you a little too hard. You were not my first love, but you were my first real heartbreak. And though my heart did break, shattered like glass, I am mending it. I’m picking up every little piece and glueing them back together. I haven't finished yet, not even close. But I will get there. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon. And I will make sure I am myself again.
Sincerely yours,