Dear... Nori
I know writing you another long message without sending it won't do me good.
I know we still like each other and I broke things off so quickly— it was impulsive of me.
If you ever find this website, it's your star and I’m coping through writing you shitty letters. It's things I could sort of never send you, because of my shitty headspace. I know you never see me the way I see myself, you saw something in me that I never would have.
I'm just stuck feeling that I really love you and I want you to be all mine. But at the same time, it's wrong of me— I broke things off with you for my mental sake. But when I did, I realized how much I needed you in my life.
I know we're still friends, we still talk about how fun it was for us to be together. I guess I'm just coping. I just want to feel alright with my shitty decisions, but whenever I ask God for a sign, he keeps sending me you. I'm writing this at 3am: tear-stained eyes, puffy from crying an awful lot on a daily basis because I really do regret my choices. But at the same time, it felt like the right thing to do.
Everyone tells me that you're a red flag, that the choices you made and showed me weren't good - but I realized that they don't really know you the way I do. They don't know how you liked having your cats cover you, they don't know how much you liked Lord of the Rings (and that you'd still geek about it). They don't really know the you that I know.
You always showed me how beautiful I was, and how proud you were about my milestones of recovering from my depression. I liked how you would have a goofy ass grin on your face when you blushed at my words, or when I blushed at yours. I guess I'm still hung over the fact that I'm weak when it comes to you; my heart aches and it's my fault.
You've always been so understanding, you were willing to accept how awful I was and you were changing me for the better. I guess we still sort of have each other as our motivations. It’s only been 3 days since the breakup, and I know we talked it out, but some things I can't really bring myself to tell you face-to-face. I guess venting it out on this silly website is goofy, but I hope by some miracle I find myself ready to be in a relationship again, is and I hope it's with you and no one else.
I love you to the stars and back. (Maybe more).
But I've always loved you enough.
You’ll always still be the one with the prettiest smile, the prettiest eyes, you're just perfect the way you are.
I hope by some selfish miracle of mine that we still find comfort in each other, I sort of never want to distance myself from you.
With all the love,