Dear... Ricki
Hey.
Let's be honest here, you introduced me to this site, so I'm sure that you're probably going to end up reading this at some point. That's fine. I just hope that by the time the universe wills it for you to read this, we're both in a much better place than where we are now.
That being said, where the hell do I even begin? God, there's so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things I wish I could tell you face to face, but I wouldn't have any right to. So instead I hope you'll forgive me for hiding away behind an anonymous letter website. Let me say here all the things that I shouldn't and couldn't say. Everything else I'll be able to tell you in person. Everything but this:
I know you're still healing. I know how badly you've been hurt and how that has affected you. I know that words are cheap to you now. All the luster and impact that they used to have on you just isn't there anymore. I get that, I do, but I want to write this out anyway. I want to be able to put this out into the universe, at the very least.
Please, choose me. I know that this goes against everything that everyone else has ever said on the internet, how we shouldn't beg for people's love and affection, but honestly I don't care. I am on my hands and knees, please. Choose me.
Choose me because I promise to love you every single day. Choose me because I promise to love you especially when love gets hard. Especially on the days where all you want to do is push me away. Choose me because while I may not know exactly the right things to say or the right things to do, I promise that you will never ever have to face any hardships in life alone. You will forever have me by your side, holding your hand through thick and thin, come hell or high water. Choose me because I won't ever leave. I won't ever give up on you. Not now, not decades later.
I know how selfish of me this sounds. I know that love doesn't work like this. Love really isn't something you can just force down other people's throats. I know that, and yet - I can't help myself. Seeing you hurt yourself like this everyday, seeing you break down and cry, seeing you put your heart back together...
I just . . . I wish I could just take the pain away for you. I wish there was a way to ensure your happiness. Even at the cost of my own. I would happily give my life if it meant that you'd never have to shed a single tear in heartbreak ever again. But life doesn't work like that, and so the best thing I can do is offer myself to you. My arms, that will hold you close in a warm embrace. My body, that will do its best to protect you from this cruel and terrible reality we live in. My heart, that will beat only for you.
I know how problematic this sounds, and I know how obsessed this sounds right now, but I don't know how else to put it. There aren't enough letters and words in all the languages in the world that can fully articulate and express how much I love you and how much I want you to be happy.
And I know we've already talked about this. I know that you don't really see me in the same way again. I know that, but I want to be able to say it. Once, in all sincerity, with as much genuineness I can muster.
I. Love. You. Ricki.
Regardless of what happens between us, regardless of how life treats us and where it may take us, I want you to know that you have gained my heart. Your name is forever engraved on the very thing that gives me life. I just wanted to be able to say it. And if it takes you forever in order for you to be able to say it back, romantically this time, then forever I'll wait.