Dear... Parents
I hope that if you were to meet me now, you wouldn't be as disappointed in me as I am in myself. I hope you would be proud of me. I hope you would love me in a way I have never experienced. I hope that you could one day tell me stories under the stars and laugh over old photographs. I hope that one day you can fix me.
I am broken you see, I don't think I am what you would expect. I am so extroverted that I have forced myself to become an introvert. I am so loud that no one can hear the meaning behind my words. I am so happy that nobody sees the tear streaks down my cheeks. I am so much of everything that I am nothing all at the same time.
Time moves quickly here, like God is constantly trying to make me miss important steps in life. Yet, I can't seem to make any of these steps anyway. I'm either too short, too fat, too loud, too stumpy, too sensitive, too grumpy, or too stupid to see the signs. I let the world walk all over me because I know that's the only way for me to be seen. I wish it wasn't like this but it is. I wish I didn't feel the need to hate myself as much as I do, because a part of me thinks it'll make you hate me too. But what difference does it make.
And you may think of me as pitiful and full of jealousy, but I'm not. I am just a sad human being. A lost soul stuck wandering in a world it no longer wants to be a part of. I still hope you are proud of me, but if you aren't that's okay. I hope that one day I can hug you both, that you can tell me it'll be okay. But I know it won't happen. You're both so far away and I don't think I'd recognize you, even if you were standing right in front of me.