Dear... RB
I knew that I always wanted to write you a letter. I just was never sure if this letter would ever be read by you because I was too scared to expose myself in that way to you. The other night I opened a door in my vulnerabilities by sharing a song with you that related too closely to the way I felt about you—and vice-versa. And that was a terrifying moment for me to say the least.
I have fallen hard for you, despite the odds. I have never felt this intensely for another human being ever—but I know it won’t last. It can’t last. We’ve said it before; there are too many oddities here. One day I’ll want kids, one day I’ll want to get married, one day I’ll want to settle down—and I will never be able to do that with you. You’ve done it all before. You have kids my age. You’ve been through the “marriage” thing before. You’re settling down now—you’ve settled down now. We’re not on the same levels.
But I can tell you right now that when this is over, I believe that I could honestly say I will never love another man like you.
There is too much that we share that can’t just go unnoticed, despite the fact that our whole relationship’s existence is so “socially unacceptable.” You came here for a reason. Thanks to you and your wisdom, I’m beginning the journey of reconnecting with my father’s family and facing up to dark realities—something I never wanted to face on my own. Thanks to you, you’re teaching me to be stronger, helping me to feel sexy about myself—and you already know how hard it is for me to believe something about myself that I have never put into practice. But I’m doing wonders for you.
We’ve had a rough go, particularly in the last month, but you’ve popped out the other side.
I have never seen you smile so much before.
It makes me feel better about the fact that when I go, you’ll be okay.
But for now, I just want you to know that I love every minute spent with you. Every single one of them.
And I have never been happier to tell someone I love them.
Thank you for the love.