Dear... You, Who I Will Continue to Love in Silence

You can't force feelings. I know that. I also know you can't pretend to feel something you don't. But it hurts, you being indifferent towards my feelings.

Of course you're not obligated to reciprocate my feelings, nor do you owe me anything. I just wish you acknowledged them at the very least. It's not like I ever expected you to feel the same way, and I was content with loving you in secret. But now you know, and I don't think I ever intended for you to find out, especially not the way you did. But regardless, you now know. And you said it doesn't change anything for you. But it should.

I don't expect you to love me back, but at least get angry, or upset, or just something. Anything. Anything would be better than you being indifferent. It hurts a lot. You know how I feel yet you talk sweetly to me still and tell me you love me but not in the way i want to hear it, and that's okay. I don't ever want you to not be in my life. But i don't know if I want to continue like this, either. It hurts.

Talking to you like everything is okay, it's not. I'm hurting so much and you can't see it. And i can't tell you because you'd feel bad, and distance yourself, and that would destroy me. But i feel like i ruined things for us. I should've kept quiet. I didn't want all this. I still love you, and you still don't consider me as anything other than what we already are. I know you don't do it on purpose, because you'd never hurt me intentionally, but it's just painful to talk to you as if nothing happened. As if you don't know, because you do.

You know my secret, yet you don't say anything, only that it doesn't change anything for you. Maybe not, but for me that changes a lot. I love you, I love you so much.

I know because your smile makes me melt, and it brightens up my days.

I know because when we don't talk, I miss you, and I wonder where you are and if you're alright.

I know because when you're hurting, it's physically and emotionally painful for me, and i would do absolutely anything to make you smile again.

I know because I can't go a day without looking at your pictures and staring in awe at your beauty, which you deny.

I know because your kind heart makes mine skip a beat, and you never fail to make me laugh.

I know because you're you, and you make my heart laugh, and cry, and sigh. You own it, it's all yours. I love you. With all i am. But you don't see me.

You hurt me, but I love you, and I'll get hurt a million times over just to keep you in my life. You mean so much to me.

Thank you for being you.

From... the one you don't see.