Dear... JB
I miss you.
You say our breakup wasn't our fault but my past and my mind say it was all my fault.
I'm sorry I caught feelings for you. I'm sorry I told my friends. They were so excited for me because I never get boyfriends or guys that are interested in me, so they overreacted. They pressured you into asking me to be your girlfriend when you weren't ready for commitment. I got my hopes up and that leads me to believe I pressured you as well. I'm sorry I put us, more importantly you, in the position to breakup. I am. You were the best I ever had, the best first boyfriend I could ask for. You deserve the world and nothing less.
I am thankful that we ended on good terms and we're still friends, but you'll never know how much I hurt because of it. And I'm glad you made the decision to break up sooner rather than later. But it's not the same as friends. You'll never see the uncontrollable tears I cry once every month as soon as it turns midnight on the first day of the month. Our break up day... it's two months today. On the 18th of May, had we not broken up it would be three months. You're just so hard to get over.
You're the boy version of me. You're the sweetest boy at school. You're so much like me, it hurts. I miss us, I miss you. I miss your eyes. I miss everything about you. I keep you in my prayers, every night before I go to sleep, I pray for you. Even though we aren't together, not that we were for a long time at all and we aren't friends like we were before we split... but I still genuinely care for you and want you to be as happy as possible.
I'll be sad to see you graduate, you make me really happy even if I don't see you often at all right now.
Thanks for everything, J.
It was the best time I've had in a long time.