Dear... Someone
Sunday December 1, 2019
Whoever finds this letter lurking on the internet, I just want you to know that my existence on this world will come to an end. I’m not sick nor am I on the brink of death. I only planned this through my head and thought of ways where I can get rid of the pain, painlessly.
I don’t think laughter is the best medicine because I laughed my whole life but I didn’t get cured. I laughed my mind off when things went bad. I smile when hard obstacles hit me hard. I turned a blind eye to every negative comment that I head from people I know well. I vent out my anger to myself.
“Why am I like this? Why can’t I do a single thing right? Why can’t I be the perfect daughter that my father would be proud of. Why can’t I talk to people confidently? Just who the hell am I?”
So the other night, I went back to my old friend. We talked until I didn’t realize the time. I’m glad that she was there. I’m glad that she was still talking to me even if I abandoned her a long time ago when success came in. She was very welcoming and offered me to stay in the night. No one has ever made an effort to welcome me into their arms after being abandoned. So I stayed. And we talked more.
Earlier, I asked her how I can enter the better place she kept talking about with me last night because I have decided. I am going with her to a better place. To start anew and forget about my life in this generation. So together, we planned everything. I planned where I’m going to go to see my last place, my last meal, my last message, and the last song I’m going to sing. I’m dropping everything because I want to stay with her in that better place. I’m dropping everything because I feel like the world is pressing against me.
I messaged one of my friends and invited him to go with me in the event on Quezon City happening on December 7. But I don’t plan to leave before I get a glimpse of that one painting I’m curious about looking at. If the artist is there, better. So I can thank him on listening to all my negative rants about wanting to die. I had fun playing with him through Sky.
Hang in there, friend.
I don’t know how everything will go but I’m still thinking of ways how to do it painlessly.