Dear... Darling
I'm waiting for you... And I'm so proud of myself for becoming a person that I can be happy with. I love me so much, and I love you.
I cannot wait to see you again. Please God, I'm praying that that was not the last time. How will I see you again? How will it feel?
I really want to see you. But at the same time, I've gone numb.
Whatever God wills.
It's been eight long months since I've seen you in person, three since I've called you, and a week since I've seen a picture of you. But a picture really isn't the same as your moving face on a screen, which is still nothing compared to seeing you and feeling you in reality right in front of me.
Darling, I need you. I want to make love to you - I'm just a little horny right now. To be honest I want to see you just because I want to see you, it doesn't really have to do with this feeling between my legs. But I really want you there. Where that feeling is. I want to feel you inside me. Your thing... it's so thick... and so powerful. It felt so hard under me as I sat on you and we embraced, and I felt it get harder and harder and push more and more underneath me. I remember I whimpered to you, "Is it supposed to feel good?" And you could barely make out what I was saying. You gently answered back, almost as quietly as I had spoken, "What?" You spoke to me like I was the most fragile thing. I miss your gentle voice. You're so gentle... I've never met a man quite like you.
Sweetheart... don't make me cry. I wish we could re-experience those days again. Maybe we can.
Maybe it's good that there's a long gap between now and then the last time I saw you. Maybe we can start over.
That day was a special day in my life. Just like the day when you hugged me when we were teenagers. I knew from those moments that you were a real man. I knew that that's what love from a man feels like.
That day when I reunited with you after four long years, that was more than a year ago. After that, those romantic feelings dwindled away... and we were left with almost nothing. But I think we could have repaired that easily, had it not been for my family who was influencing me to say horrible things to you.
To this day you don't know...
I'm just hoping I can go back, without ever having to request it. Sometimes that can kill the vibe, know what I mean?
But again, I really don't know. Whatever God wills. I'm steady and stable, and I don't need to cry to you anymore.
So even if it seems like you've stopped talking to me... I'm alright. I will hang in there, mind my own business, eat yummy donuts, do my school work, and just enjoy my life!
I only pray to God that you are enjoying yours.
May we meet again, if God wills it.
I love you darling. So much...