Dear... Bud
I hope you're doing well as we approach Christmas time. I know it's been nearly a year since we last saw each other and I'm sorry if I ever made you think that I didn't want to see you. That's not why we haven't seen each other, it's just been so hard dealing with everything and to be honest, the feelings are still there and I don't think they'll ever go away.
A part of me will always love you but at the same time, so much has changed. You've changed and I sometimes wonder if I'm just holding onto this idea of you from when we first met and when I first fell in love with you.
I guess you expect that I would take the time out and return when the feelings went away but you gave me too little time and neither of us expected this outcome. As a result, I feel like now we're stuck. Because if we were to ever reconnect, your expectations would never be met, while my pain would just continue. This is quite possibly the worst impasse we're stuck in.
I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know when it'll get better. All I know is that I miss you so much sometimes. A part of you will always have my heart, and I wish so much we had met earlier and that we could've had a chance to be together. Because you know I would love you unconditionally, support you, and cherish you.
I just want to let you know that I miss you, I still love you and I always will. And I hope you're doing well and if the fates allow, perhaps one day we might meet again.