Dear... My First And Last, My Teenage Crush And Ex Boyfriend
It wasn't very much when we first met at school, your confession was a surprise to me...
We only knew each other for 2 weeks since being in the same class, at first my bff introduced you to me, and I never thought of getting into some special relationship with you, I've never imagined a handsome rich boy like you would have a crush on a socially-awkward girl like me...
I've gotten through so much sh*t - bullying - before you confessed to me...
I said yes at first, I was such a naive yet foolish teenager that was thirsty for affection, like, what did I know about love? I am usually the kind of person who doesn't date anyone unless I have strong feelings for them, or I don't date at all. I don't play with feelings.
We were not dating or even talking, it was extremely awkward because there were no moves... then everybody knew about you crushing on me and sh*t happened...
There was more attention on me so the bullying got worse, I was mentally damaged. Plus the "gossip girls" told me that you were a player and you were already dating other girls... I had no choice but to refuse you and break your heart in front of your face.
Even though I wasn't satisfied, I was so selfish and cold-hearted and the feeling of guilt never left my head. You have clearly never experienced rejection, you were still soft, unlike me...
2 months later, maybe 4; after all the drama happened, after me trying to be friendly with you, you sent me a message telling me how much you loved me and never could've forgotten me all that time, I was... how can I describe it... the feeling of butterflies in my stomach...
Yeah I gave him a second chance and we started dating. I wasn't sure about my feelings at first, but I developed feelings with time.
I was a very shy social anxious girl as y'all know, and you kind of... took control of me (it lasted more than 6 months)... SPOILER ALERT: it was very awkward yet very toxic.
I was too shy to hug you or walk beside you because I wasn't comfortable doing that kind of stuff in front of people, and you never understood that. I wasn't giving you the "attention" you wanted, even tho I was trying so hard to interact with you, at least... And it got worse when you started spending your time with other girls more than you did with me... Friends warned me that you might be cheating on me like you used to do with your exes, I told you that I get jealous when you hang out with girls, you told me that you do so because I DON’T pay you much attention. I started blaming myself and felt so insecure when I heard that from you, like nothing is ever good enough: you took control of me.
Our relationship was meaningless yet so toxic, yes we have strong feelings for each other, but... sometimes, love is not enough.
You used to prank me and tell me that you have cheated on me, to let me learn a lesson because I was "ignoring you"... is this how you take revenge of your own girlfriend?! By breaking her heart multiple times so she can know better "how it feels to be ignored by your loved one"?!
You don't even know what I was going through and what I felt before and after I got to date you. Yes I did break your heart and it was a new thing for you... but not for me...
Also I've already been through something way worse than a heartbreak... But I've never let you know, how can you be so catty and selfish?
I broke up with you after re-thinking about all this, I tried to stay friends with you but...
You turned into a way worse version of yourself, you convinced everyone, including my closest friends, that I was a bad guy and I dumped and hurt your feelings, they didn't even hear from me before assuming that.
You really know how to play a victim. When I refused to get back with you regardless the pressure I received, you decided to play with girls again to "fill the gap in your heart".
I regret dating such a f*ckboy like you, I regret letting you f*ck up my mental state and I regret falling in love with the wrong person.
"Some mistakes get made, that's alright that's okay, you can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain..." Moral of the story.