Dear... My Love
How do I get you out of my head?
Sometimes it's so hard for me to stop thinking of you when all I want to do is move on and be happy with myself, but that hasn't happened in a while. When writing this I don't know what to think.
How's your life? Are you doing alright? Sorry about all the questions I'm just nervous because I'm pouring all my feeling towards this. I want you to know I still love you and I don't know what to do about it.
I have been able to move on slowly but when moving on I feel like I need your permission. I feel like I’m betraying you all over again. Sometimes I wish I could turn my feelings off for you because it drives me insane how much I still have feeling for you. Like you’re still locked inside my heart, which gives me trouble sometimes. I hate that I can’t get rid of you from my head, my heart, my thoughts and everything else. I love you for being your true self, for being there for me when nobody else was. I just hate how I hurt you so badly and I was the reason for your hurting. I’m sorry. I am truly sorry for everything I have done.
I miss all the talking we used to do from the start of the day to the end of the day. You said you forgave me for lying but I feel like you didn’t. I’m the liar, I’m the attention seeker. I’m the hippo child. I’m the lying ass bitch. I’m everything you said I was and you’re right, you’re always right, I still cry for you wishing we were together again.
I try to stop thinking of you but it’s so fucking hard. I miss your eyes. I miss your smile. I miss your voice, your laugh, your jokes, your hair, your face, your nose, just everything. I miss you.
You are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want you to understand no matter what, that you are an amazing person, that you’re beautiful inside and out. Your personality is one of the greatest I have ever met and I am so so so glad I got the chance to know it.
Please never call yourself ugly or fat later on because you’re none of those things. People say that a flower is the most beautiful thing they ever laid eyes on, or a sunset. Those people are completely bullshitting themselves because they haven’t seen you yet. This is my way of trying to let go of you, T. I’m trying really hard to move on. The pain I caused to myself is what I should be going through for the rest of my life because of what I did to such an amazing, beautiful person. You should be happy for the rest of your life and I hope you are, right now, with him.