Dear... Blue
How are you?
That’s the first question that pops up in my mind. It’s stupid, really stupid to be asking you that when I’m so broken, so lost, but I miss you even after what you did. You disappeared after I told you I found out about the truth. About you.
Why did you leave without explaining yourself? Did you really love me like you always claimed? What’s the truth, your truth? Looks like I’ll never know.
Blue, you broke me. You knew I wasn’t sure about us and you took advantage of my feelings and you were so persistent in being with me but for what? Just to break my heart the way you did? I’m so stupid for falling in love with you, but I’m even dumber for still loving you. I can’t just forget about you, it’s impossible. You are and always be my first love.
You know I still remember that day perfectly. Just me in the room, in my bed with my knees up to my chest, sobbing with no one to hold me or give me support. I felt so alone, so vulnerable. I cried myself to sleep, I cried while listening to the music you recommended, I cried while reading our conversation, I cried every second I thought about you, and I still do... every day.
I wish you could’ve explained, that way we could just try to go on with our lives. I’m never going to forget about you, I love you. I truly do love you. It feels like it’s been months when it’s only been two weeks.
You know what I’m most ashamed of? I thought about hurting myself because the first two days were a blur. I was numb and I was desperate to feel something, I was desperate to feel pain.
I want to let you go but it’s impossible. I can’t forget even if I wanted to.