Dear... God Is Gracious
I'm sorry for avoiding you, though I know that you don't care. I'm sorry for falling in love without your permission. I wish I'd never been so careless, wish I was less of a fool.
I admit that you caught me unprepared. I never expected to meet someone like you, so full of life and smiles and yet somehow still hurting. So happy and content with yourself and yet still searching.
I wish I could have known you better, that we could have talked more. But from the start I knew my feelings were one-sided, that I was nothing more than another person in your line of admirers.
It hurt me when your friends started teasing you about me, because I knew you would just feel annoyed. I heard your rejection everyday, and I understand it. Truly, I do.
When they asked me to carry the cake to you for your birthday, I knew I could not do it. I knew I could not pretend anymore that I was someone worthy of it, someone special enough for it. I knew I could not in good conscience play a role like that on your special day, so I rejected it. Even though your friends repeatedly tried to persuade me, I refused them. I even made sure that when the time came I was nowhere near so they wouldn't find me.
I know you probably don't care but I think I did succeed in my intentions. They got mad at me after that, and they stopped teasing you with me.
All for the best. You can stop feeling embarrassed, and I can move on.
I know you'll never read this, but I hope you find someone who can make all your dreams come true one day. I've accepted that it can't be me.