Dear... Pause and Replay
Do you ever feel empty inside?
It's funny, so many people seek a brain that is thoughtless, and a heart that is strong, when in its truest form, one can tell that that is true emptiness.
The feeling of emptiness makes me sick to my stomach.
Being empty feels like freefalling off a very tall tower, aware that it leads to your inevitable death yet you don't scream; you don't try to stop the motion; you simply allow gravity to play its role. Everything seems meaningless in the eyes of one with a thoughtless brain. You have no aspirations, and therefore nothing to live for. However, you get off on being able to crack a joke to your friends, and basically selling your pride and dignity because it means nothing to you. You live for social interaction because the thought of ever being alone is the most terrifying thing.
The sound that of the trees bristling, the birds chirping, and water dripping is your greatest nightmare.
"It's interesting how one's nightmare could be another's dream."
This thought makes you feel stupid and ungrateful. But, why can't I want something different?
Finally, you are thinking again but then you really start thinking. You think about how childish it is that you are upset over achieving someone else's dream, over being able to ignore everything. The thing is, you aren't ignoring anything. You are feigning ignorance because ignorance is bliss. When one wounds you, you don't tend to the wound, allowing it to be futher infected and eventually seep into your core and rot you from the inside out.
Is this depression? If so, I can't tell.
In the moment, I'm happy and I am given no reason to be sad but it's almost... I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.
I don't know what I am talking about.
Anyways, that's all for today. I don't even know if this makes sense. If I actually managed to express myself coherently.