Dear... Cheyenne
You know, I watch so many movies, I love them. I watch them over and over and learn the lines and know the facts about behind the scenes things, but the thing is, movies aren’t real life.
In every movie I have watched about losing someone you are close to, a friend and all, they never tell you just how much it f**king sucks, how much it hurts and that it lingers.
I could tell you all the lines from the second Lord of the Rings movie, but I can't tell you why our friendship is over. I keep reading the messages in my spare time, I read them over and over, and I still can't figure it out. But Jesus, dude, this f**king sucks. I lost my goddamn dad, remember? When I was 20. After all these years, I can look at mine and his relationship and go it wasn’t perfect, but I don't regret anything.
Every time I think of you, I regret it all. You make me feel like there are needles under my f**king skin , I want to burn every part of my life that you touched. I can't watch the same things anymore without thinking of you, I can't talk about things we used to do, because it just makes me seem obsessive. Im f**king not. You broke my goddamn heart, you c***.
You didn't even want to work it out, and I could f**king feel it too. Leading up to the end... I could smell it. I tried to tell you, I tried to tell you how sorry I was. How we could just talk and make it better, but you had decided it was over, before I had a chance. You broke my heart. I thought I had cried and mourned our friendship, but every time I see something that reminds me of you, I lose it. I cry and cry and cry and no one wants to talk about it anymore. They tell me you’re a bitch and you didn't deserve me, idk man. You clocked me from your life. Made me seem like I was bad. Maybe I was, I just wish you would have told me.
I loved you. With my whole heart. We were gonna be friends for forever, we were gonna live together and grow old together, and make new memories and LIVE OUR LIVES TOGETHER. Now I think of all the things we will miss together and I just can't stop crying. F**k you. Seriously, I wish I could burn every part of my life you ever touched. I sometimes want to just set myself on fire , so I can no longer remember you. Then, sometimes I just want to drive by your house and see if you are okay. It hurts, dude. It sucks.
I hope your life is mediocre and you feel how bad I feel now. I hope you never forget me. I hope I haunt you for the rest of your life.