Dear... Someone Known As “Him”
It's currently the evening before Valentine's Day as I write this to you. A day I thought we would spend together with a little date that followed our first anniversary. Unfortunately, we had a major falling out and that fantasy I've dreamt of can no longer be.
It's been one month since we've split and my mind is spiralling out of control of these different emotions. From "I've gotten over you" to instantly realizing I truly haven't at all. I've sent you the wrong message within this time, that has not only caused me to lose my boyfriend but one of my closest friends.
As I'm currently sitting alone at night, playing heartbroken songs on my ukulele whilst crying about how these songs hit too close to home, I have decided to write to you in the future, in hopes of a better future for the two of us. Although I can't predict the future, I just want to tell you something as my past self.
As much as you are extremely furious with me and have cut any memory of me completely, I am to blame myself for the deterioration of your mental state just as much as my mental state.
As you have stated previously about my maturity and mental balance of even handling a relationship, you did hold some factual truth to my mental state. It has kept me from being level-headed by making me constantly want validation from others. The need for this said validation has caused me to lose someone so amazing.
The more I go by the days in grief while looking through all the things you have given me in the past, it has come to me wanting to speak to you (even when you told me you don't want any part of me). A loophole in this though, is me talking to you in the future since your future self could say otherwise (so you can't blame me for trying).
But the reason why I want to write to you is to tell you that I am deeply sorry for any pain that I have caused. I'm quite aware that it will take a while for you to forgive me and maybe talk to me again, but when you receive this letter, I hope that you have grown from this drama and that I have matured as well.
I always say I have hope for everything in life, no matter how small the odds are, which means even though I can't control the fate of what's going to happen to us, I still have hope that we can revisit each other and start fresh again from where we left off in our relationship, regardless if it were platonic or romantic.
But if the odds are that you never talk to me again. Then I wish the best for you in life and that you'll never forget what we had and how those ten months were something I could never replace for anything better. As much as you may think, I truly cherish our past relationship and wish we were living in a universe like that forever. I truly mean it when I say I could never throw something like that away.
In conclusion, I hope you and I have matured once you have received this letter. And that you are willing to give us another chance at being together. I wish for you to be happy and successful in life whether or not I'm there to watch you accomplish these goals.
I'll always be waiting if you need me.