Dear... Anyone Who Will Listen
The things I’ve been through are incredible, both damaging and inspiring.
The world is not in black and white, there is no good and bad there is only good in the bad and visa versa. Bad events bring people together, and good events can further tear us apart.
I feel so disgustingly awful all the time. It’s a constant impending doom of the world ending and I’m lost. Isn’t that the most tragic? When someone’s not gone yet, just lost, and it’s terrifying.
Words cant explain just how dark the world is to me, as if my eyes are inverted. Since I was ten years old I’ve been looking for ways to die, running home so I could sleep my days away. The sleeping never stopped. My hair started to fall out. I overate most days. My shoulders never felt lighter and my heart never stopped aching.
I’m rotting from the inside out. I’m no good, no one is better off from knowing me, only worse. I ruin everything, and I ruin everyone, and I’ve ruined myself.
This will be for the better. It’s not as if I even have a reason to be sad, I’ve had a fine life, I was never bullied, my home life could’ve been worse, I’ve never been alone. I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe I’m spoiled as they say. I hope not.
My medication isn’t working, nor my therapy. Sometimes I contemplate killing myself just to prove how sad I am, 'cause nobody seems to believe me.
I want my happiness to be contagious even if it is fake, nobody knows how f**king shattered I really am. Maybe it’s for the better. I want everyone who ever hurt me to be sorry. But most importantly? I want them to know I’m sorry. I want everyone to know I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For f**king everything up. I’m sorry. God help us all.