Dear... Someone Who's A Lot Like Me
I know you're out there. You're just like me. Because I can't be that special (or unique, if that's a better word for it).
I am at a loss of words right now. I am sad, incredibly sad, but at the same time there's a part of me that wants me to stand up straight and just... just move on. Like nothing happened, like I never wanted something that was denied.
I take immense pride in not having hit my rock bottom till now and I think that's because I keep pushing the limits of what deserves my surrender. Whenever something goes wrong, my reaction is to prepare myself to act like it isn't sad enough. Like this adversity, this huge loss means very little to me. That I'm going to be just fine, and the fact that I refuse to give these little tragedies the kind of importance they demand, comforts me.
It makes me feel like I am in control of my lows, although that control comes primarily from acknowledging them.
What I am getting at is that I don't know if that is the right way of dealing with things. I don't know if the sadness does fade away with time, something that I believe in, or if it stays and gets worse. I don't know. All I know is that right now, sadness scares me. It scares me just how paralyzing and weakening true sadness is.