Dear... Future Therapist
I know that my mental state has been a little rocky lately. It's like a self perpetuating conundrum, or at least that's what it seems like. But I think that I'll be able to get through it. There's been a long history of non-completion of goals, tasks, and even interests or hobbies. And I don't think that it's okay right now. It's like I'm hiding the tormented person beneath everything and it's impossible to let anything go. I've been wanting to sleep so much today especially, and to be left alone. I just want to give in to the feeling of depression and physical pain.
I realize that I have a bad habit of becoming obsessed with things, and I'm starting to believe that I might even be extremely selfish. So much so that I'm utterly unaware of how I'm coming off. And although T thinks that it's me that was irritable yesterday, I just wish he would have left me alone to be tired. So what if I was quiet? Yes, I snapped, but I just didn't want to be continuously bothered and it felt like he was trying to pick a fight. I was oddly satisfied when he looked unhappy as I was leaving the restroom this morning after telling him that I was still not happy from our argument the night before. I'm confusing myself, and it's only been a day so far that I've felt this way. I think that it'll go away, but I'm worried about getting back into a heavy depression.
I want to say that I hate feeling this way, but I think that I've grown to be comfortable in it now.