Dear... Energy
We met on a night when I was brave. I bumped into you, and wiggled my hips, knowing you would turn around. You happen to be a very jovial guy and definitely not shy. We talked closely, drawn closer by a need to make an intimate space in the surrounding cacophony. Light hearted meaningless banter, but we were breathing in each other's essence. I was instantly attracted to you in a magnetic way, but carelessly, you asked me to go home with you. I wasn't offended, because it somehow felt genuine coming from you, a person who enjoyed the moments of life while I perseverated over every future. I couldn't take your hand then, I wasn't ready to step into that place. We exchanged numbers for an uncertain future. I didn't think I would hear from you again, but we were brought back together again by some meaningless banter and flirting. I honestly didn't know what was going to happen when we met up again, how I felt, who you were, but when I did, it made sense in an instant why I was attracted to you. Your easy but awkward smile, talking to random strangers, how you grabbed me for a silly dance in an abandoned bar. You were absolutely endearing and adorable to me. Against my usual hesitation I decided to grab your hand. It continued in a passionate dance, one I've never experienced before, even in my most heartfelt embraces. Your touch and embrace was burned into my mind. For the longest time, all I had to do was close my eyes, and I would feel it all again. It was a true midsummer night's dream. Lingering and sickeningly sweet. But what I would love about you is also what makes you so hard to hold on to. Flying from moment to moment. How can one embrace the wind?
All I ever wanted was to let you feel the warmth of my hands but to grasp too tightly was to suffocate. You came back to me once, but timing prevented me from picking up. Is it really true that you walked home from my place? I will never know the truth. The last time you held me I wanted to embrace you back but had to control myself with every fiber of my being. I knew if I did, I would be thrown back into that tumultuous embrace. Wherever you are now, I still keep that moment locked in a secret corner of my mind. A place I will continue to visit for my life. I am happy because I felt the tug of our connection and I know in another reality we would have been passionately intertwined together. I'm happy for that version of us and wish for your happiness in this one. Always secretly thinking of you…