Dear... Fairfarren
Dear anxious, scared and sad self,
How are you? Of all people, I know that you would honestly reply to that question. Just want to make sure that you’re still hanging in there.
Last week, you received the best news you could have ever receive in your whole life. Your favorite band, Green Day, has already announced a tour in Manila. I know how you feel. No one could ruin your day and it became a motivation to drag yourself to work every day and not print that resignation letter sitting in your desktop for a year now. You need an income to support yourself to buy that concert tickets. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Claim it: I AM GOING TO SEE GREEN DAY LIVE.
However, I also know that despite the good news, you can still feel the black hole eating you up again. You dread every single day you go to that hellhole – I mean, work. You’re becoming too scared that you will never find a job and you will rot in this hellhole – I mean, company. You’re questioning your self-worth again, skills, capabilities and yourself. I know you want to work with a well-known company that can also give you an amazing experience for you career advancement. And during your job searching journey, you’re slowly losing confidence and doubting yourself. A lot of openings but you’re not qualified. Finally, a job description that fits you, you go to the interview, yet you didn’t get the job. It’s frustrating and it’s depressing, I know. You badly want to get out of here but you can’t unless you already have a replacement or else, your mom will be so disappointed because there’s a lot of debts to be paid, expenses and support they need. F**k your feelings, eat it up and work.
I know, I know, I know. Everything is a tangled mess and your mind right now is maze that even the Goblin of the Labyrinth (God bless, Bowie) would be scared to compete with. I have told you every day that you will get through this. You’re fine and you’re an amazing employee and could be an asset to the company if hired. Stop questioning yourself and try to smile through all of this. But I know better. I know you, self, I know you very well.
Today, I have learned the meaning of the phrase, “Fairfarren” from the movie, Alice In Wonderland. It is a phrase muttered by the Mad Hatter to Alice when it’s time for her to go back to the real world. It is a Scottish phrase meaning “good journeying”. If pronounce slowly, it became, “fare far then,” meaning “to travel far then.” I won’t hope but I will already claim, that someday you will use that word for yourself. You’ll have a good journey and you’re going to travel far then. Sometimes, looking back with regrets, and cringing, but hopefully most of the times, with a smile and gratitude.
Fairfarren, anxious, scared and sad self. May you travel under fair skies.
With great books, great music and great films, hopefully, we’ll be fine.