Dear... My Not Ex
It's kinda funny how we always joked that our old fight was like us breaking up, and now we have actually broken up. It's been almost a month and I still haven't processed that you're out of my life.
Every now and then I think of you. When I do something I think of how I would tell you. When I look at the time I automatically convert it to what time it is where you are. I read something and think of how you would love it. I do something and think of how much you would judge me for it.
It's not intentional. It's never intentional. Despite me thinking of you in the few seconds that my heart puts its defences down, I don't look for you anymore. I don't stalk you or wonder what you're doing. I don't hope that you'll message or somehow pass by my line of sight.
Yet despite that, I still wish you'd message me. Take it all back. Remember what we had. And it's hard because I don't know if I'll ever really be able to completely let you go.
Today I saw you messaged her. I saw that you're doing well with her and that you're happy with her and in a way it hurts because in the end my fears came true. But it also makes me wonder, if things hadn't ended that way, would I also be free of the jealousy that I felt whenever you talked about her?
Maybe I'll never know the answer. But I hope I continue to heal. And that one day you can just be a memory that I can smile about.