Dear... Secret Friend
Hello, I write letters to you here a lot, usually with different names, different contexts, etc. But somehow I feel like if someone just read every entry on this site, they could see which ones were mine. They have a VERY similar pattern.
Each letter reflects a different feeling I have, or maybe I just switch up the names so I don't seem too crazy for always yearning for you.
Anyway... I'm making a big move tomorrow and it’s scary. I've felt this feeling before: I think its called nervous. I'm nervous about it. It’s like how I felt when I started school. I'm so nervous and have no one to tell! But I'm going to be doing so much new things when I get there, I only wish we were able to communicate it with one another. I wish I could show you who I want to be. I wish I could do the things I want to do freely and you would be by my side, not deterred by my usual antics.
But I know it’s not possible. I know we can't be around each other, that's okay. I still miss you a lot and love you so much. People tell me that I seem like I really love you, even though I'm usually in total denial about it. Funny, they say the same thing about you too, even if they've never met you. Plenty of people tell me you loved me, but you just can't see it for yourself. I also thought that way.
Anyway, I digress. I'm really nervous about the coming week. I almost wish I had someone to confide in. I'm so very nervous that things are not working as planned, but once it’s all said and done, there will be no going back! I'm excited. Once I'm settled, I can finally get back to my hobbies and maybe even add some more! I want to start singing and dancing, and I'm definitely going to keep up with my sewing. Painting? Not so much, I've never been good at it. But I still like creating some artwork even if its extremely amateur. I want to draw, too, but I can't afford the equipment. Oh, and writing songs and composing the music too! and I want to go back and play all those video games I was never allowed to play. I want to sing, dance, draw; I want to do it all. I wish you could see me one day. I love you.
I feel better just writing this. Maybe someday you'll see me come out on the other side, being who I want to be. I never showed myself to you, I was too afraid. But one day, my friend, I want you to see me. It may never happen. I really don't know. But it would be nice if it did.
I don't know what you'll be up to. I am scared to be disappointed. I really hope you want to come back to me one day... and that you are a changed man, and that I am changed woman.
See you, maybe.