Dear... Future Me, I’m Sorry
My downfall, I didn't think it'd come this soon... I used to be happy person, an honor roll student, someone with lots of friends, someone who enjoyed going outside. I used to be someone, now I feel like nothing.
I'm constantly sad due to personal problems, I'm failing my classes and don't know how to fix it, I'm lonely with no one to care for me or be there for me. I bedrot all day long and don't like going out anymore. All the shit I go through, all the emotions bottled up in me, all the pain I've let people put me through. It hurts, It hurts so much, but no one listens.
I miss the days where everything was okay, where everyone cared about me, now no one would even care if I fucking died. The biggest problem is that no one understands me, no one understands how I feel, no one understands what's running through my head, no one understands how hard it is for me to control myself, no one understands how hard it is for me to not explode and finally let all my emotions be known... but when I do, I end up being the bad guy.
No one ever notices me or recognizes me when I'm doing good, it's never an "I'm proud of you" or "good job" its just brushed off, but as soon as I let my emotions out its always my fault, I'm always the problem.
I came to the conclusion that everyone just has a problem with my existence. I don't know what I did to anyone or if I did anything bad to anyone, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for living, I'm sorry for existing, I'm sorry for being a person, I'm sorry that you had to meet me, I'm sorry that I bother you, I'm sorry that I'm me, I'm sorry that I'm the problem, I'm sorry. I didn't ask to be here, I didn't choose to be here. I didn't choose to become a person and I definitely didn't choose to live. If it were up to me... I would've chosen to never be born at all, I would've chosen to be nothing. I would rather be nothing then the person I am today.
It's hard, it hurts, and it's painful. I'm still young, I can only take so much. I'm trying my best to keep myself together, but I think I'm just destined to give up. I can't hold this unbearable pain, I've been doing it for years and years now. I'm tired and I just want peace, nothing else but peace. That's not too much to ask for, is it?