Dear... The Ghost (Part 1)
I've been stopping myself from writing letters about you for almost 4 or 5 months now. All because I don't think you deserve it, but now that I think about it, it is the only way that I can help myself from overthinking. Because I've been remembering you these past few days and it really did distract me most of the time. so here I am again, haven't healed that much but I will someday.
It's funny how I still get this random thoughts that I will still give you a second chance after everything, but I know that it's just because of my emotions. For the last month, I have decided to hate you so that I can stop myself from forgiving you all the time. It actually worked but I don't think it does now. I'm still hurt, the pain is still there but not as aching as before. No matter how much I hate you, even if I point out every mistake you've done, even if I cuss the f**k out of you, my heart still yearns for you. I will still find ways to forgive. and I hate to admit it, you were someone that I used to love will all my heart. I never hid anything from you, I was loyal and honest. I just wish that you did the same all throughout. But I know i had lapses, too. I just wish that we didn't break up this way. It's a huge blow on my part. I seriously felt played and betrayed, to think that you were the only that I trusted this much before. How could you?
Maybe I was too much for you. And I do believe I was. But I became that much because of you, because of what you always did to me that's why I automatically go paranoid even if I try to fight it back. How could you agree to your friends hooking you up with some girl while we are still together? Then you came and told me that you were forced and you were just going with their flow to avoid being a killjoy. Of course I was mad mad, that was when I first started to be paranoid. I hated that it was on that day that I began to doubt.
F**k I was so hung up on this perfect idea of love. That even if you pull bullshits in front of me I will still cover that shit up. F**king hell! How the f**k did I allowed myself to be that stupid and low for you?