Dear... My Ocean
Hi, it's been almost 2 months now. I have still been fighting the urge to talk to you but i promised myself to not beg for your attention again. I have still have been fighting back tears since day 1 and every other day I always fail. I'm still unsure when or how I'll get over you. Knowing that you already have someone new.
My heart refuses to let you go.
I called you ocean many times as you can remember. That's the closest thing I can describe you and it is also meaningful to me. I've always loved the ocean, I love the gentle waves that envelopes my body as I swam, just like you. You gave me warmth and comfort at the same time. I've had this tiny bit of fear of drowning in the open sea, but my adoration for it helped me overcome that fear every single time. I built walls around me and I don’t want to be vulnerable to anyone because I don’t want to be seen at my weakest. I don’t want anyone to know the things that haunt me, I don’t want to open up because I’m afraid of people leaving me after they know me too well. But I loved you, you always make me weak. You have that something in you that I knew I can trust. I let my walls down and let myself collapse into you, just like a sandcastle. And for the first time in a long time, I've finally felt happy and comfortable. There are days where our relationship is like the raging sea. We argue, words coming out of our mouths, fights that last for days. But we always come back to each other. I always came back to you, from day one and supposedly, until now.
I heard you have someone new now. It pains me. A lot. I used to be the one jokingly telling you to ask me to be your gf then you'll laugh and tell me to wait. I used to be the one who felt every touch you gave me. Your lips that I've memorized every curve and faults and every word you spoke. I used to be the one receiving those hugs you gave her. I used to be the to kiss you on your cheeks or forehead if ever you're not feeling okay. Everything that you did with her, that still should've been me.
I thought you were also thinking of a way to maybe get us back together because the argument we had was not worthy of a reason to ghost me. Funny thing is I still would forgive you. Because I tried to understand you. Every single thing, every argument, I try my best to put myself in your shoes. My friends told me this was wrong. Maybe this is blind love.