Dear... A Universe Of Love That Is Just Out Of My Grasp
I am beginning to believe I am incapable of love.
It is not that I haven't tried. I have. Countless times. And when I think all is well and it has finally worked for me, suddenly, something is wrong. It's a feeling that maybe something deep down has failed. Like I have managed to ruin the only good thing in my life without so much as a word.
Of course, this is only a feeling. But each and every time, this feeling has lead to real change. real issues. Every single fucking time. I can't help but think of it as an omen, pertaining to the gloomy future of my romance. And so when this eeriness sneaks its way back into my heart, of course I can feel nothing but alarm.
She is perfect in love. She knows the right things to do and say. She could be the best thing that ever happened to me. But I am seemingly incapable of loving her back. It's not that I do not love her, I do. Yet my love is one that burns bright and stays quiet.
Her love is the sun, mine is the moon. All I want is to be perfect for her. And yet this omen haunts me, and I live each day with this seed of anxiety in the back of my head. I really hope this time is different. It has felt different from the beginning.
I am trying to hold on to my love, trying to do the best for her. But I am starting to think that love is just out of my hands, something I am ever nearing but never quite reaching.
I'm sorry, Sophie. Would you love me all the same? Could you?