Dear... Richard From Track 30
I did not know it would be this hard to forget you, just like how I didn't expect that I would come to love you this much in such a short period of time. When you told me that you wanted to know me more, I knew you already. When we started talking, I already took an interest in knowing you more. Maybe because I found you cute.
Until the day I finally found out something that should have set my mind straight; you have a girlfriend. You guys have been together a long time and posted many pictures on social media. Those things were enough for me to verify what everyone told me about. You were cheating on her by talking to me and many other girls in the company. Because of that, I tried to be as unresponsive as I could to all your attempts of striking up a conversation. But in the end, I gave in. We started chatting again, until late at night. It was so fun talking to you that I forgot the reason why I should not be doing it. You lied about a lot of things and I chose to ignore it. God even gave me a sign to spare me from this pain the day that I personally saw you holding her hand while looking around at the plant exhibit. After that night, I decided to not let you any further in my life. We did not talk for a while until you started it again, but this time, aggressively.
Like the fool I was, I let myself play with fire. I had the intention to teach you a lesson for being a cheater and a liar. I replied and replied to all the questions you asked. And that day came. The day you asked me to meet you for the first time. I agreed though I had a prior plan. I knew you waited and I intended to let you wait. But one thing, I had the intention to come to you as well but the situation did not permit me to do so. You said it was fine and I know it wasn't. Guilt started creeping in, but I did it again for the 2nd time. I let you wait and did not come. Like the first time, you told me it was fine. Not minding those, you still subtly asked me out several times but I said no to all of it.
One rainy Friday night, I went out on a blind date. In the middle of that date, you texted me about going for a "shot of alcohol" which I mistook as my friend's message and so I replied and ranted how awkward the date was. And because of that, you misunderstood that I was a materialistic woman who goes out with rich men. One day, I made up my mind and told you to stop talking to me altogether. You begged and asked me to say that to you in person but I refused. When you told me that you wouldn't step away from the building until I talk to you in person, strangely, the guilt and longing made me meet you that night. That was the first time we talked in person after weeks of chatting and bumping into each other. I had the urge to tell you that I knew everything, but instead, I just came up with a nod when you asked if I really wanted to stop whatever was going on between us. You texted me a lot that night with a lot of resentment, telling me how mean I was. That night, I felt strangely bothered that I could not eat a bite of my favorite spaghetti.
Foolishly, I agreed to meet you again. I know how long you waited... again. You told me your intention to court me. The mere act of putting your jacket on my shoulder without asking me if I want it made my heart flutter. Like always, I did not tell you and acted neutral. After I got home, I figured out that you two broke up. And that was the start. We were always together. We dated a lot and ate at some places. I enjoyed everything. I loved it, to be honest. I liked how we dated for 6 days and how you ended up stealing my first kiss on the 7th. When I told you that you could be my boyfriend at 12 midnight, I was unsure. But came to love you more and more each day. The way you hugged me felt warm and I liked it. Whenever you cancelled your appointments just so we could spend more time together, I loved you more.
When you brought me to that walled city at 8pm, I was more than happy. When you did not complain when I was being indecisive of what I wanted to eat, that we ended up walking around the city for 2 hours, I loved you more. When you said that your feet hurt from walking yet continued to walk holding my hands, I loved you more. That night you asked, "What are we?" I was confused, because that night that you stole my first kiss, I told you that we were officially together. You asked when will I love you and when will I trust you fully with my heart. I laugh when you said that maybe we are just "friends with benefits" when we did not even shared a kiss yet.
The first time I smelled your cologne, I hated it. But every time I came home with the smell of your perfume on me, I loved you more. I loved you more and more and I fell harder everyday. And just like how it is when things fall, they get broken.
I'm writing this letter so that I can completely let you go. We were officially together for a month. Only a month. You were my first boyfriend and my first major heartbreak as well. All those late night calls, and that nursery rhymes that you repeatedly sang to me will now be one of those precious memories I'll keep. I'm wishing for your happiness with her. I hope that this time, you guys will be stronger. I hope that you don't break up with her again. But if you do, please don't use someone as a rebound, like what you did to me.
I hope that you'll be a better person and that you at least learned something from me. I hope that you won't say I love you just because you miss saying it. I hope that you won't give her a hug while thinking of another person. Lastly, I hope that all your dreams come true. I'm letting you go now. Not because I need to, but because I need to regain myself again. I hope that you prayed for me even just once. Because maybe, if you tell God that you're sorry and you want me to heal, He'll help me as a token of forgiveness. That's what I did. I know I did something wrong as well so I asked for His forgiveness and prayed that your relationship will go well.
You will never be able to read this letter like how you'll never know how much I cried. I want to remain in your memory as a strong woman who can overcome everything cause I am, before I met you.
Thank you Richard. Wishing you the best.