Dear... You, But In 2018
Hey.
When I think about our breakup, I wish I had yelled at you.
I didn't. I think if I'd gotten mad I would have gotten over it faster.
But I wanted you to think I didn't care. I didn't want you to know you had hurt me. And I thought I was being mature, y'know? Also, honestly, some of the things I wish I'd said are things I didn't even know yet. You ever have someone say something to you and you don't think anything of it and then a year later you remember it and it's so hurtful it makes you cry? No? Just me?
I didn't say much of anything, so for a long, long time I was just full of all these unexpressed thoughts. And it's not like I can call you, long after we've broken up, and say "Are you busy? I'd like to have a fight now."
So instead I'll just write it here. Some... grievances.
1) I hate arguing with you about nothing. I think you find it fun. You think you're having some sort of playful intellectual sparring contest. I am not having fun. You are making me feel stupid for no reason and then acting shocked when I get frustrated about it.
2) When your girlfriend tells you she doesn't like something sexually (even something a lot of people do like) there are plenty of appropriate responses. Plenty! Telling her that maybe she just "doesn't want to like it" is not one of them! Implying that she doesn't know what she feels, but that you do? Don't do that! Might make her feel broken. Might make her feel like a freak.
3) I know you think you're a feminist. You're not. Or at least you're not very good at it. You can say men and women are equal all you want, but you have very antiquated ideas about gender roles.
4) You really, really, need to learn when to shut up. You talk too much.
That's all I've got, off the top of my head. It's mostly the second one. I wish I could tell you that without it seeming like I'm hung up you. Because I'm not. I don't think of you much these days. But when I do, I wish I'd told you how bad that made me feel.
Also I'm a lesbian now.
Ok, bye.