Dear... N
As I lie in the bed I have made, it’s been 31 days since I last laid my eyes on you. You sat there meditating, praying that all your problems would go away. I freed you from the trap you created, knowing you had deceived me a million times because I actually care for you. I have no idea why I adored you for giving me so little attention and so much pain. You will never know how much you hurt me. For you I was just another meal who only wet your insatiable appetite. For me you were a kindred spirit fooled by your black heart. I’ve thought about you every day since that last day when the bushfires intensified and just like your lies the fires burned out of control. I had to escape before I burned with you.
I still dream about you. I cried after I realised that loving kiss you left on my neck this morning wasn’t real. How cruel life can be I thought and often wonder if you miss me as much as I’ve missed you. I doubt it.
I still feel you in my heart but the distance between our spirits is getting wider. I said I’d give you space and you’ve made good use of that. It is torture not knowing how you feel, what you’re doing, if you’re ok or if you wonder if I’m ok. I guess not. If you’re trying to move on in the hope you can erase the mess you left behind, I’m feeling it. I just wish I had never trusted you with my heart. You didn’t care and I ignored all the warning signs. You admitted you are guilty of not having empathy, which makes sense, and must be why you forgot about me so easily.
I’m not brave enough to contact you because I’m scared it will prove how much you don’t care. Just the thought of that really hurts. I hope one day you will realise I was there for you. I could see you needed me in those moments but I gave you too much and now you can’t even fake a friendship.
It’s time to release you and learn to accept I’ll never experience the love I needed from you in return.