Dear... Love Of My Life
You...
I love you with all my heart. I did from the moment I laid eyes (and other things) on you.
I didn't believe I could fall in love so fast, I'm a grown man. A successful grown man. You couldn't be more different from me if I was bald and you had purple hair.
I can't believe we've been together for 8 years already. I can't believe you were there for my divorce. I can't believe how much of what we have is genuine and decent and GREAT.
I also can't believe how much is so horribly bad.
I never thought I'd live to see the day that a woman would d**n near knock me out.
I never thought I'd see the day when I would give you my best shot(s).
How did we make it past all that?
But now... I don't think we did.
You... I've never seen someone who is so disrespectful towards me.
Most people have the common sense god gave a billy goat to know, I'm not the guy you trifle with.
And you, I've rarely met someone I love and hate so much. You clowned me.
You think I don't know?
I do.
I know how many times you clowned me.
I have friends. Real friends who talk to me.
But I never confronted you. I probably should have.
Too late now.
I do believe you're no longer clowning me.
I can't believe that you were diagnosed Bi-Polar??!!??
I'm trying to deal.
But the fact is, all jokes aside, you might actually be crazy.
And I could actually get locked up on account of it.
I can't abide that.
I know I asked your father for your hand.
I know I'm a few steps away from a tremendous ROCK, one that would make any man proud.
And yet... I just can't.
You know, some people have a brain the size of a walnut?
You have a walnut the size of a brain.
And somewhere deep in that walnut, that beautiful walnut...
You hate me so much.
I can feel it.
You really hate me.
But I represent the better things in life.
And you're too young to realize you can have whatever the hell you want still.
You don't need me.
It hurts me how much you hate me.
And shame on me for not being strong enough to break it off with you.
But I will.
Once I know you're back near your blood family. And you can go somewhere where people will take care of you.
I'll miss having that person be me.
I'll miss buying you nice things.
I'll miss having you near me and you being my best friend...
I'll miss all our inside jokes.
But I won't miss the violence.
Or the crazy.
Or just the disrespect.
I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.
Now, when I leave you.
I'll have to be firm.
And I'll resist telling you the truth.
And that truth, I can only share here.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
You made this life worth it for me when I was having serious doubts.
I'm so deeply in love with you.. I guarantee me, that right before they put me in the ground I'll wonder where you are.
And I'll smile.
But you need help.
More than I can give you.
I tried.
Lasted a lot longer than I thought I would.
Did a lot more than I thought I could.
But we always knew we end up here, right?
Ok. I'm reloaded.