Dear... You
Today, I choose to forgive you because I don’t want to live my life hating you and carrying this heavy pain in my heart.
I forgive you for the time when you acted so insensitively about my fears and jealousy about your friendship with her. I felt so threatened by it and so uncomfortable and instead of putting distance between you, you still went out with her for after-work drinks when I was out of the country. I knew then there was something wrong but I fought for us still.
I forgive you for not listening to my desperate pleas and cries for attention and care. I felt so neglected, in pain and reached out so many times. Screaming at the top of my lungs. And you chose, instead, to ignore me.
I forgive you for the time you left me instead of taking care of me when I was going through depression.
I forgive you for allowing me to hurt myself and for letting me go through all of it alone.
I forgive you for cheating on me, to my face, in the workplace where we both live out the careers we’ve worked for years building.
I forgive you for cheating on your teammate, for risking everything.
I forgive you for lying to my face when I asked if something was going on with her.
I forgive you for the times you were texting her when I was just there beside you.
I forgive you for kissing her when I was just there waiting for you.
I forgive you for leaving me behind at the party so you could be with her.
I forgive you for that night I was so worried about you and desperately tried to reach you only to find out you were with her.
I forgive you for saying I love you to her.
I forgive you for betraying me.
I forgive you for disrespecting me.
I forgive you for not having the spine to just tell me what was wrong with us so we could work on it.
I forgive you for ruining Christmas with my family, for saying they make you vomit, for being so insensitive and ungrateful to their kindness and love.
I forgive you for not taking care of me.
I forgive you for that day when I was so angry and you didn’t console me.
I forgive you for fighting for her and her normal and not for me.
I forgive you for putting the blame on me about ruining your friendships and career.
I forgive you for never seeing the pain you’ve caused me.
I forgive you for not feeling remorseful about what you’ve done to me.
I forgive you for being so weak and afraid of fighting for us.
I forgive you for making me feel so bad about myself.
I forgive you for the things that you did that made me lose faith.
I forgive you for being selfish and for neglecting me.
I forgive you for protecting other people and not us.
I forgive you for giving up on us so easily.
I forgive you for saying bad things about me and saying I’m manipulative and mean.
I forgive you for throwing me under the bus and for faulting me in all of this.
I forgive you for the silent treatment.
I forgive you for thinking all my motives were evil and selfish when all of them were for your well-being.
I forgive you for doubting my intents.
I forgive you for letting us go.
I forgive you, but know that I won’t ever let you hurt me anymore. I loved you with all my being, with all my heart and soul. I loved you even when you were hurting me. I loved you because I always saw the goodness in your heart. I loved you because I still believed you would value our marriage and our commitment to God. I loved you because I still hoped and envisioned a beautiful life with you. Now, I don’t anymore.
Thank you for what you did and didn’t do. Thank you for the things you said and didn’t say. I free myself from all of this pain now. I forgive you. Goodbye.