Dear... Friendly Letter For A Cute Death Spirit
I left that colorful badge in your room.
I left part of a plant in a book.
I wasn't trying to flaunt anything.
I know our problems were more messy responses than our feelings towards each other.
That was like the penultimate f**k up of the amygdala.
I made so many mistakes and my actions were ridiculous.
I can't express enough how my truest desire, and my intention (when lucid) was for us to be together, body and soul.
I think you were also having your own mental adventure, I know you just wanted to help me and love me, you tried so hard to help me.
I'm so sorry I made you feel like I didn't love you.
It continues to break my heart to know that.
It's beyond hard to believe I'm sure, but it's the truth.
No decisions made any sense.
I threw my hard drive in the river.
It's subsided now and I'm just very depressed.
I'm relieved that it's stopped and I know it won't happen again.
It wasn't ever malicious intent, maybe one day in the distant future I can explain it all to you properly.
I do hope we see each other again someday.
As unrealistic as it may be.
I know enough about myself to know that I don't let go of a love like that easily.
It will fade and eventually it won't be a cause for pain.
I'll let go of the suffering but I won't ever let go of the love I have for you.
You were the most inspiring and fulfilling sense of home I think I've ever had.
For all our chaos and the absolute mess I made, I know that from my end, there is something inside me that intrinsically knows you.
If you eventually decide to forget about me I won't hold it against you, but I very much hope and believe that you have similar thoughts and feelings about it all.
I'll be pretty gutted about it for a while, I'll recover and go and do something fun, but that's what I do.
Always on the move, always doing something.