Dear... Love
I never should’ve hurt you the way I did, treated you the way I did. I did so much bad and you stood by me for so long until your heart and mind could no longer take it, and the only thing that was left for you to do was to move on and completely rid me of your life.
It brings me pain to know all I’ve put you through - if it wasn’t for me you would’ve never gone through it all, especially what I may think is one of the most painful, most heartbreaking decisions of someone’s life - losing that of what could’ve been from us breaks me everyday.
I don’t know how to properly love and I see that after I’ve hurt you, after I’ve lost you forever, after you hate me. I am probably the most toxic asshole you’ve ever dated. I can only imagine the shame you must feel knowing you dated me. Seeing you happy and in love with someone else like you never were with me, brings me pain because you once looked at me like that. And yet happiness fills my heart knowing you are good, getting cared for and loved by someone who deserves you.
I wish I could go back so you would’ve never met me and I wouldn’t have put you through so much. You would’ve avoided all of this and been happier with your new partner much sooner. I never meant to bring you and your daughter unhappiness and pain. I’m truly sorry for all of this. I am that person you said, a pathetic, sad, insecure person. All you ever did was put up with my bullshit. I accused you and blamed you for things that weren’t true. I have been so stupid and blinded by my own flaws, that I hurt the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. I never deserved you, I never deserved your kindness, your love and affection.
I’m sorry for being the worst human in this world. My heart breaks everyday I think of you, because I miss you, because you showed me what it was to be loved and cared for. I took it for granted. I regret saying anything and losing you the way I did. Maybe someday if we cross paths we can try once more when I’ve matured and learned to love, because love doesn’t hurt you, Someone who doesn’t know how to love does. You once told me this and I never imagined to be the one doing the hurting.
Now I sit here watching you starting a new life with someone new.
Goodbye my love.