Dear... Universe, the Cosmos and the Void
As I grow older, my wish list gets smaller and smaller. I don’t even know if I should call it a wish list. They are no longer wishes but things that I just want to be and keep in life. As I grow older, I can see the people around me change their wish lists as they mature. One thing that never cease to exist in their list is happiness.
Happiness has been a part of my wish list twice and it never appeared again. The first time I asked for it was when my father left us and got himself a shiny new family. I asked for happiness for myself, my mom and my brother. Hopefully, they got it because I didn’t. The second time was when I entered high school, but things and life happened. Since then, I figured that happiness is not for me, so I never dared to wish for it again. I have accepted that happiness will be a myth to me, or something that only very very, very lucky people will be able to feel or achieve, and I’ve never been lucky.
I am fine, never been truly happy but I am fine. Until one thing in my wish list that I have been able to keep has been lost. This one thing is so important to me, and behold the day that I feared, came. When I heard the news, I became so devastated I could literally feel my heart break inside my chest. The fear to face the moment was so crippling that I can’t sleep well at night. But sooner or later, I must face it. And the day comes, morning until afternoon, I broke down. I know it’s silly to cry because it won’t change anything, but the tears always come uninvited to my pity party. I never have a solid faith in everything religious, but I pray to all the saints out there that are listening to me, that this is not permanent and it won’t last long.
Dear Universe, the cosmos and the void, please grant me this: give me back my routine. Please, I am begging you. I never did ask for happiness, fairness, luck and supportive people in my life since I accepted my fate. I want to be sad and miserable in peace. Give me back my routine.
Thank you and although I am always disappointed, I will be looking forward to your magic.