Dear... A
How do you feel about us? Are you relieved that it’s finally over? Do you miss me? How would you feel if you heard I was with another girl?
That I loved another girl?
You know what I realized that morning when I took the day off work? I realized I would never be able to stop loving you...
Maybe I'll be able to forget about you momentarily when I get busy with the day to day shit life throws my way, but thats only due to my brain being able to be distracted easily. But I can be sure that as soon as you pop into my head I'll feel my heart tearing in agony, knowing I can never have the one thing I ever begged god for.
Part of me says I'm pathetic for still wanting you after you tried this hard to make me hate you.
Another part says I'm pathetic for letting my emotions get the best of me. It's just love, it ends for someone every day, right?
I'm like a beached whale wondering where all the fucking water went and why I'm choking up all the goddamn time.
And it's not like I was an optimist before you, I knew that life is a big pile of suffering and shit that you occasionally find a happy moment in.
But I'm not feeling okay.
Maybe if I could convince you it could work out.
Maybe if I was a better man.
Maybe I'm overreacting and I'll forget about you like everyone says.
Maybe my heads right and I really should just end it.
I just know I've never felt like this, and I thought I "really loved" before you.
I wonder if you read this how you'd feel about me.
Would you think I'm pathetic for still loving you after all this?
Would you tell me you felt the same way?
Does it matter?
I wish god answered back when I asked him this shit. Maybe I've disappointed him too much as well.