Dear... Clueless
Our relationship in the past 3 or 4 years has changed. To say that I was ever truly in love would be a mistake. I just let it go and here we are.
Unfortunately I didn't make changes when I should have. I chose to have children with you. I chose to stay with you after you fucked the bitch you worked with while I was carrying your child. And I even let it go when you went to see her after leaving me in the hospital after the birth of your child. I told you then that you should look over your shoulder because there may very well be a time when I would have my day to set it even. Well, it may have been 16 years later, but it happened. It didn't go as far as your escapade, but it still happened. For about the same length of time. And just so you know I would do it again. I am not sorry.
So fast forward almost 4 years and we don't have a relationship anymore. You don't spend any time with me. You don't talk to me. You avoid me. Wherever I am, you are not. You spend all of your time on Facebook. I got mad at you tonight and said that I must not matter because I spend all of my time alone, so you came down to sit in the living room - on the other side of the room - with the dog. And now you are snoring. We eventually have to talk. I almost want to go to marriage counselling just so I can tell you I want a divorce. I just don't want to lose what I have. I spent a lot of years doing without so I could be where I am. And honestly, it's still not that great.
My kids love me. You - not so much. Because they see what you are and what you do. I was the one who was always there for them. I was the one who made sure they had what they needed. I was the one who was always home. You were always hunting or fishing. And it's not like you took them often. By the time you thought you should take them they didn't want to spend any time with you. The time to take them would've been when they were little. So they would grow to love it. But you didn't. And now I'm here in this marriage - alone, unhappy, depressed - with no friends (because you made it unfun to have any) and no family to talk to.
I've been reduced to writing my feelings here anonymously. How sad. I hope someday I find the joy and love and happiness that I had about 4 years ago. At least he made me feel like a person - worthy of being loved. You have never done that.