Dear... Drew
I wish emotions were visible to others so you could see the damage you have done to my heart.
I wish you could see who you are through the lens of myself as well as others.
It has been 4 years since the day I let you take a piece of myself. I was 15 years old and very naive, I guess you could say. I understand that I am responsible for my own actions but you destroyed my outlook on how I should be treated by a male. You took advantage of the fact that I was a young girl. You were considered to be an adult. I knew who you were because our parents were friends and you used to come over when we were little. That is the only reason I knew your name when Sarah from English in the 10th grade brought it up. Little did I know that she was going to tell you that I knew who you were. You went to a different school so I did not think that it mattered. The next day you requested to follow me on Instagram and I accepted and followed you back.
Weeks and months went by and I would ‘like’ your pictures and then you would like mine. I thought it was nice to leave a ‘like’ for a person, so I did. I did not think anything of it, but you had a girlfriend and she did not like the fact that I was liking your posts because her and I shared the same name. It was weird because my name is so uncommon. Well, how was I suppose to know she was your girlfriend when you never told me once I messaged you (due to the large amount of boredom a young 15 year old girl experiences every once in awhile)? How was I suppose to know when Sarah told me that you were flirting with her? That’s right, I could not have known because you lied to get what you wanted from me. I was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to but you pushed for more.
Our parents found out that we were communicating with each other and made it clear that we could not hang out due to our age difference. You told me that it did not have to stop us from hanging out and that I should just "sneak out." No big deal, right? At least the young version of myself did not believe so. I did not know that you were going to do what you did. Once I agreed to sneak out, you picked me up and took me over to your house to "hang out". I thought it was going to be okay. I remember once we got to your parents house we went into the kitchen and just started talking like normal people but once I started to come out of my shell, you could see that I was an innocent girl. You said, "I should not have brought you here. You are a good girl." Feeling so hopeless due to your facial expression after those words poured out of your mouth, I insisted I liked to have fun too. But you and I had different ideas of fun...
Once you took me to your bedroom I knew what fun you were wanting. You rolled on top of me and started to squirm between my legs to the point it started to hurt. You asked me if I would take off my shirt and without my consent, you were already pulling it off! The same thing happened with my bra. I never said "Yes." But you did it anyway. You said, "These pants are killing me. These things have to go!" Because you were in control, they did. I could feel you inserting yourself inside me before I could even comprehend that this was sex. Something I knew was supposed to happen in marriage. I knew that people were doing it at school, but I had no interest in it, unlike most hormonal high school students. It was rare for me to fit in with most people my age.
Once it was over you took me home and asked "Can we hangout next weekend?" So we did. Weekend after weekend we would hangout during that entire summer. I was really beginning to believe you actually liked me. You even told me that you were catching feelings. You making me believe this, made me believe that I wanted you. You never wanted me! Once your now "ex-girlfriend" posted a picture of you guys together captioning the photo with a heart emoji, I knew what was going on. But I ignored it because I was a dumb girl.
You referred me as "bitch" to your friends. FUCK YOU for that. Once I figured out what was happening I told you I kissed someone else. You only reacted badly because you thought you were being replaced and you couldn't use me for my body anymore. I found out you were screwing some other girl at the same time as you were screwing me. You shattered my idea of how I should be treated by men. I still suffer from it today.
Something is nice though. You got a girl pregnant from a hook-up and all you do is drugs. You can't even pass your first year of college, even after going back every single semester on Daddy’s dollar. You are suppose to be graduating this year. Here I am in my second year of college taking life by the throat and enjoying success. Isn't karma a bitch, Drew? You shattered my heart and it still hurts, I will give you that but I am stronger than you will ever know. I am using the pain you have given me and I am becoming a Doctor.
I hate the feelings you have given me and the memories but I am using them to do good. So here is my "Fuck You." Watch me win, because I know deep down you can’t stand to see me have control now. Keep watching because I will keep on winning!