Dear... My Future Self, Did You Give Up?
I'm from Mexico and when I turned 12 I moved to Germany. I lived there for 2 years and lost contact with my old friends but I made really nice friends too. Later, when it was time to go, I felt sad since I was losing my friends once again. I moved to Michigan and I have been living here for the past 3 years. It took a whole year to lose contact with my friends in Germany and It took me a year to make CLOSE friends here too.
I was doing just fine in school until the corona hit (2020, March) and I have lost all of my motivation, I can't even feel bad for other people, because I have enough with my own. My family lives in Mexico and my grandpa recently passed away (I couldn't say goodbye), school is shitting me, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, and when we went to visit her she only cared about dissing my fat ass. She didn't ask if I was healthy or happy, she was embarrassed that I weighed 65kg (5'6") and looked like a hippo. She compared me to my skinny mom and cousins. I couldn't even eat comfortably with them. When we came back my mom started saying I was fat too, and later my dad too.
When I feel sad they just ask me if I did my homework or if I already washed the dishes and when I was not in the mood to talk they would want to know what was wrong with me. I am not smart. I used to love math and chemistry but after the corona, I just didn't want to do anything and currently, I don't see any future for myself.
When I said I wanted to be a PA my dad started laughing (they don't believe in me, I mean how can they If I don't even believe in myself?) Is everything going to be ok? My family that lives in Mexico don't even miss me. My family would do just fine without me. My brother is a brat that always wants expensive things.
Sometimes I just love my family but other days I think that maybe its just ME that doesn't fit in. I think that after high school is over I should say goodbye.
So did you fight through it?
or
Did it beat you down?