Dear... Anna
I think about you a lot, my friend.
The first time I realized I lost you, I just thought, "Hey, people come and go." Then as time passed, I regretted it more than anything.
Two years later, I got a chance to be with you again. I thought I was the luckiest person alive. I remember crying when we first spoke again. We laughed and caught up on life. I was surprised at how far you had come since we last spoke.
We were fine for a bit. We were always fine, but I quickly realized things weren't the same. Just because we talked again didn't mean that our friendship returned.
I remember the days leading up to when I planned to speak to you again. I told my friends everything we did together. I recalled every little memory we shared. They joked and said it sounded like we had something more serious happening. While what they were implying certainly wasn't true, you and I did have something otherworldly. We were young and having fun. I knew everything about you. I spent the holidays with you. We went on trips together. You called me practically every day. We were each other's favorite person. We always had more fun when it was just the two of us. We planned a completely unrealistic, ridiculous life together, as most young people do.
After rekindling, I must've apologized to you hundreds of times because I regret who I was back then and acknowledge that I hurt a lot of people. While that wasn't the reason we drifted, it definitely wasn't helping us become closer. Because we grew up, but we didn't grow together. I grew into a new person. You grew, just into an older version of who you already were. At your core, you never changed. You kept all your friends, habits, and mannerisms and embraced a personality that I just can't familiarize myself with.
It was actually because of you that I wanted to be kinder to myself and to others. I realized that I wasn't all that good to you when we were kids. I was miserable and you were on the receiving end. I hate that. So now, I am who I am. You even said that you were happy and surprised at how much sweeter I am now.
Unfortunately, the mindset I adopted fears people like you. Petty, quick to anger, judgemental, excessive social media consumption. You remind me of a time long passed. While I say all those things, I know you are still sympathetic, loving, and very emotional. You care deeply about the people you hold dear, including myself. But I think you should put your care towards those who are meant to stay. One of those people is not me.
I accept that our time is over. While I wait out the short amount of time until we inevitably lose contact (for possibly a lifetime), I will cherish what we had. I will even cherish what we create now. I will remember you, I promise.
You were an important part of my childhood, but that's the only part of my life you were meant for. It seems life has different plans for us now. I'm excited to see what it offers us, but I know I likely won't ever see how it turns out for you.
I'll miss you for the rest of my life, my friend.