Dear... Paul
We are supposed to work together. I ended up being in love with you. You are easy on the eyes. That is obvious. And I know you know it. And you played your part well. I caught you several times looking at me. I do not even know whether your actions were true. But true or nor not, you played it well. At the end of the day, your position in the company and the work outweighed everything. I have no plans of falling in love with you, but I did, unexpectedly. I was devastated when I left. I miss you. Sometimes I find myself longing for a call or a text from you. Which I know will not happen. I know how conscious you are. I know how careful you are in your actions. You won’t dare to make a mistake or upset your career. Or even your family. I would often tell myself to stop dreaming of you, or of hoping. It is the end.
Everything is just about work. The feelings were not to be part of the equation. Nevertheless, I am still grateful that I fell for you. I thought I would not be able to love again. I thought I’d already told my heart to stop loving. I thought my heart had died when my love died sometime ago. But it still hurts. I am still hurting. I just satisfy myself by looking at your car whenever I pass by your office. You do not know that of course. Me passing by your office. You will never know that.
I wish I could see you again. On the other hand, I do not want to see you ever again. I do not want to hear your voice. I do not want to lay my eyes on that handsome face of yours. I just want to leave. I wanna leave. I wanna leave. I wanna leave. Because for as long as I'm in my current office, I will always be connected with you. For as long as I am here, I will always think about you. And I know you will never be mine.
When I went down from the office on my last day, I was so sad when you did not even look at me. Funny, but I was looking for just even a hug or a kiss on the cheek.
I left with a heavy heart and would have cried had it not have been for one of your subordinates who gave me an unexpected side embrace, knowing that we are not that close. For a while, I stood beside your car and felt that creeping loneliness. When I looked up, I saw a rainbow. I do not know what that means. But rainbows are supposed to be good signs. So I suppose that there will be something good in store for me.
Goodbye Paul. Thank you for the opportunity to love you, in my silent ways. I am sad for myself, but I am also happy to get out unscathed with my ego and self intact. I will love you, from a distance.