Dear... Monster
Not many things trigger me when it comes to what you did. But when they do, I am broken all over again. All that healing, all that time of self-love, all that strength I found to pull me through, it melts away and I am just a useless broken version of that child I used to be. I hate you and I’m scared all over again. I hate me and I fear what’s happening. There’s no escape, no one I can tell this to, no words to explain the immense overwhelming ocean of fear. I was so convinced I survived you. I was confident, I was starting to love that woman in the mirror, I was starting to accept her for who she was and what she represented to me. I could look at her scars without loathing her. I could look at her and not feel hate. But that was yesterday. Before I saw a grown man cry like a baby because he hated himself for what happened to him as a child. And it reminded me so vividly of the hate I carried for so many years, the hate that so easily seeped back into my veins like a slow poison. For today, I will allow myself to slowly wither and die in the pain you etched into my being. But I promise myself, that I will get back up, like I did so many times before, and I will survive you again.