Dear... Hannah
It feels as though you're slipping away from me.
I miss you and your largeness of life. I miss your honesty and your harshness and maternity. I miss having someone to go to that would bring me along because I didn't have any motivation or friends. I wish I could have been around you more to learn what it was like to live more fully. I broke down shortly after you died, wanting to feel that fullness that I thought you had. Wishing I could be more like you. I'm not so sure I've ever found it, and I feel the weight of my disappointment in myself lingers still. I wish I was more than myself.
But I know that you would tell me that I'm beautiful, and that you think the world of me. I'm not so sure I've ever felt that way about myself, but it felt honest when you said it.
You were the best older sister I could ask for, and I didn't have the know-how to tell you that. It took me years to be able to realize it after you passed. But you made me feel so much better about myself, and gave me the motivation to live life just a little bit more.
Thank you.