Dear... To The Victims Of Cheating
The new year starts with a bang. I was a happily married woman until last year. This year changed the "happily" in that. Now am just a married woman with no knowledge of what I am doing or what I am gonna do.
I got to know that my "loving" husband is having an affair with a woman since the beginning of our marriage. I was numb to the core that I could not think of anything other than running away. However running costs you money and at this moment I am dependent on my husband.
We had a relationship of 7 years and decided to get married after that (which by the way it now seems was just my decision). It’s been 3 years into our marriage, just 3 years, and that too after having a long relationship of 7 years. After 3 years he told me that he didn’t want to get married so soon and that it was just his parents' decision. As if someone had tied him and forced him to marry.
This has made me question every emotion I had for him, every feeling that I had, every decision I made since I met him, every relationship. I was someone who believed in love and commitment and that forever kind of relationship. Now I feel all of that is bullshit. He was lying to my face everyday in our 3 years of marriage, manipulating me, blaming me for whenever we had a fight, making me feel guilty for whenever I used to find something suspicious. And I, so in love, believed him even when I had that gut feeling that something was not right.
And today my trust is broken and confidence is shattered. I am left with a low image of myself. Maybe I was not worth loving after all, otherwise someone who has spent 7 years with me wouldn’t do that. If after all that time and knowing me, someone can’t be with me, maybe I am not worthy of anyone.
Now I have no desire to live. I am just getting up and doing things and go to sleep again. I know I need to be independent right now because if I was I wouldn’t have stayed here. I don’t have anyone who is going to support me if I take that step. I need to focus but am not able to. It’s as if am dead inside. I don’t feel like doing anything as simple as eating food. I don’t know how to get over this, I just know that I need to.