Dear... Darkness
Darkness my dear old lost friend.
Once again you are trying to break my soul. You are rusk and I am steel. You will eat me if I am not going to put aluminum. But I don't have aluminum.
My friend your friendship kills me. I have 2 times won the sweet battle with you. The third time you are trying to enter my soul. You are very stubborn and this time I believe I will hold your hand and will leave without any warning.
I'm afraid if I will tell others about you they will think I'm way too immature to feel this way at this stage of life, or be grateful, or my problems are not realistic.
My old friend why don't you leave me alone, why don't you just lose hope. I don't want to be your friend dear darkness. You make me sad and anxious. You make me feel like I'm a piece of shit. I can't please you anymore my friend by killing myself. I don't know how to walk away from you. The pain of my death will kill many other people alive.
My world is falling apart because of your request to be my friend. Your words are creating symphony that is killing me. I thought maybe sitting down with my insecurities and fears will help me in understanding myself. But nothing is working. Even remaining busy is bringing more sorrow.
This heart of mine can't deal with so much pain. May Allah give me strength to deal with hardships. Indeed He doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear.
O darkness! leave me. I want to be light, I want to spread light, I want to be hope in this mess of a world, I want to be a shiny little star. I want to keep my grip tight on the path of Allah. But you feel envious when I feel grateful and try to make me feel sad.
Dear darkness why do you tell me that I can't take my own decisions, I can't bear change, I can't live contented with what I have.
Oh dark companion of mine I beg you to leave me, I beg you to lose hope that we can be friends. But wait. Aren't we already friends? Maybe that is why I call you my old lost friend. You get lost when I feel hopeful and you come back within a second when I feel sad.
Oh God you are back again. You will break my soul. You will crush my spirit very harshly this time and I won't be able to survive.